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| Posted by: |  aspeed |
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| Date: | January 13th, 2008 7:03 PM | ||
| Header: | Comixtreme January Newsletter | ||
| Bulletin: | Well, a new year has begun, and as usual there’s best and worst lists. We’re not doing that! Oh no, we at the CX newsletter (all one of us) are rule breakers … we’re doing predictions for ‘08, the other popular thing. We can’t be stopped! We’re mad, I tell you - MAD! Bwahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ahem. Now on to staff predictions for 2008. Terry Verticchio: Final Crisis will start strong and then fizzle out at the end. Cap will still be dead. Mutants will suddenly make a comeback. Wonder Woman will be a rockin' sockin' fun fest. Usagi might, just might, get a girlfriend, but he still kills a lot of people to get there. Adam will finally reveal himself to be Joe Q and then as a Skrull. Blake's obsession with Captain Carrot will grant him a one-way ticket to the Funny Farm. Blake Petit: Joe Quesada will be revealed to be a Skrull. Spider-Man fans will smack their foreheads and say, "THAT explains One More Day..." The killer of the New Gods will be revealed to be Fenimore J. Frog. Gargantuan sales of Captain Carrot and the Final Ark will inspire DC to commission an ongoing series, original graphic novel, Mini-Mate toy line, animated series and Zoo Crew East special. (Okay, so that one's just for me...) Hasbro will move the G.I. Joe license from Devil's Due to Marvel. Zartan will be revealed to be a Skrull. Marvel and DC will bury the hatchet and launch a new crossover series entitled Infinite Infinity, which will retroactively make every book ever published by either company an essential chapter to understanding what the heck is going on. The wearing of pants will henceforth be done solely at the discretion of Brandon Schatz. Scott A. Williams: The Marvel Universe will be rocked by its next event... World War ForbushMan! Will Spider-Ham's web-spinning abilities be enough to combat the saucepan-wearing hero-gone-mad? What side will Millie the Model choose? This will be one for the ages, folks! DC, having finished its Countdown and Final Crisis, will turn around and begin a "Count-Up" until reaching its latest Earth-shattering crossover... Mid-Life Crisis! Batman trades the Batmobile for a convertible! Superman dumps Lois for a 20-something hairdresser! Green Arrow grows a goofy-arse beard! Wait a minute... Adam Chapman will have a review-induced heart-attack, thus depriving us of 90% of our content, and Marvel Comics of 90% of its blurbs. Blake Petit will publish his next book, but under the name "Richard Bachman." Clean air laws will force Andy Speed to install filters to curb the dark black smoke emanating around the turrets of her evil fortress. And sometime in March, Terry Verticchio will melt, leaving only his corn-cob pipe and two eyes made out of coal. Jason Kanno: Andy will earn a place in the Guinness Book of World Records for the most violent wollops of the halibut. And Mark will become a household name for his expert use of the banstick, cueing a nation-wide trend of people proclaiming "Blicharz!" when they're about to attempt something skillful (like smacking someone with a halibut). Adam will blow a fuse and attempt to review the rest of Ultimate Wolverine/Hulk... by any means necessary. Joe Q will attempt to swing from the Marvel Offices in a Spider-Man costume, screaming "I can go weekly too!" until he lands on Brian Bendis. Mark Bagley will just continue to eat his hot dog. The Seigel estate will challenge the Superman trademark, and Superman Prime will be renamed Supermaleindividual Prime. After two months, he'll get fed up and punch our universe to change his name back, but all he will have done is change Frank Miller into the regular Batman writer. Invincible will continue to rock. Mark Blicharz: Mark will continue to get in trouble without even bugging Andy at all. Incredible Hulk will be a smashing success. Joe Quesada will lead Marvel to new heights. (Yes that one is very sarcastic) Eleanor Cromwell: Bomb Queen will fight Ms Marvel, but as the fight crosses realities and endangers everyone's sales, Madame Mirage will fling cold water on them. They will both melt, leaving two puddles of molasses and an undeterminable number of breast implants. Certain men in the Marvel Universe will suffer breakdowns, insisting there is some trick because those were real. Editor Girl will become the new flagship female character of all comic-dom. Andrea Speed: There will be a huge multi-titled “event” guaranteed to “shake up the status quo” and “change the future of *blank*”, which will start petering out in the middle and limp to a close. Some people will think it’s the best thing since *blank*, others will think it sucks as bad as *blank* did, but the bottom line is everyone will buy it, guaranteeing yet another big event. This will continue ad nauseum until the world ends or they stop publishing comics, whichever comes first. A comic property will be purchased for yet another movie, and of the comic movies released this year, one will be hailed as the best in the genre, and another will be derided as the biggest piece of crap since the Roger Corman version of “The Fantastic Four”. It will be hard to beat Roger, but I can at least guarantee someone will try. Also, I’ll be acquitted, but not without a little money changing hands. Brandon Schatz: In a fit of rage during a celebrity boxing match, the Kool-Aid Man accidentally chokes Punchy to death. Headline reads: Battle of the Juiced Marred by Fruitastic Death. REVIEWS DAREDEVIL #103 by Adam Chapman - The Hood's forces rip up Hell's Kitchen, as Daredevil waits for his opening to get closer to Cranston. http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38473 HULK #1 by Ryan Broussard - Doc Samson investigates some possible “Hulk” troubles… http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38538 REX MUNDI #9 by Andrea Speed - While Lorraine savors his inexplicable victory, Julien and his captors discover that at least one myth has some truth behind it. http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38587 SUICIDE SQUAD #4 by Mike D’ Alfonso - A new team of Task Force X is formed and Rick Flag gets some shocking news. http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38519 NIGHTWING #140 by Adam Chapman - Nightwing returns to New York, decides on a new headquarters, and has a run-in with a monster! http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38589 DONE-IN-ONE REVIEWS: JANUARY 12, 2008 - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38576 FEATURES 2 IN 1 SHOWCASE PODCASTS: EPISODE FORTY-FIVE: WORLD WAR HULK - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=37851 EPISODE FORTY-SIX: JUSTICE LEAGUE OF AMERICA - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38006 EPISODE FORTY-SEVEN: DISNEY COMICS - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38100 EPISODE FORTY-EIGHT: CHRISTMAS COMICS - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38258 EPISODE FORTY-NINE: THE BEST OF 2007 - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38332 EPISODE FIFTY: 2007 - THE YEAR IN REVIEW - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38455 EPISODE FIFTY-ONE: BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38585 COLUMNS ONE COMIC FAN'S OPINION #1: ONE MORE DAY / BRAND NEW DAY - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38318 VIEW FROM THE LONGBOX #18 -THE RUNNER-UPS - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38567 EVERYTHING BUT IMAGINARY #246: THE DEATH OF THE BACK ISSUE - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38526 THE $40 PULL LIST - JANUARY 2008 - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38345 ANDREA SPEED'S BEST OF 2007 AWARDS - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38457 FOUR COLOR COMMENTARIES #21: Promoing For The Greater Population - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38537 ASK CHIMPION! DECEMBER 2007 - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38003 NEWS cX INDIE NEWS ROUNDUP - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38512 2008 GLYPH COMICS AWARDS SUBMISSIONS OPEN UNTIL JANUARY 20 - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38513 ULTIMATE SPIDER-MAN AND HIS AMAZING FRIENDS - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38574 SELL OUT OF THE CRAWLING DEAD - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38417 FROM THE ASHES OF MESSIAH COMPLEX COMES X-MEN: LEGACY! - http://www.comixtreme.com/forums/showthread.php?t=38527 Support Comixtreme by shopping at X-World! http://x-worldcomics.com/yourvirtualstore/ |
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