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Yule Letter 2006

Well, it's been another year come and gone for the Martin family,
I mean, The Improbables! 2006 had its ups, its downs, its crises,
its civil strifes. We've had our joys, we've had our losses.

David, or rather "Doctor Calamitous," had a bit of strife this year.
As you know, we were set to be featured in a 9 episode arc on
the S*U*P*E*R*S reality TV series. We'd gotten pretty good
reviews on the initial episodes and then "Sidereal Wars" started.
We thought the supervillan rampage would make for smash
ratings. Unfortunately, three production crews got...um,
dimensionally mis-placed and the producers had to cancel the
show in mid-production.

Jylande, The Serpentine Sorceress, made the covers of Time and
Newsweek but she also made PETA's list of "Superheroes Who
Abuse Animals." As everyone should know, she psionically creates her serpents out of raw ectotherium but try telling that to the protestors. Oh course, it doesn't help that, um, she went and conjured movie-sized
anacondas around every protestor. They were not harmed!
Honest! Being swallowed by an ectotherium anaconda just puts
you in stasis until the serpent dissipates.
But I have to tell you, it's good planning to have managed to save
the lives of pretty much every Civil Court judge in the five state
area. Makes it really easy to stymy "wrongful consumption"
lawsuits.

Daughter Regina Carol had an unfortunately outrageous debut.
At 16 her superpower finally came in. That's the good news.
She's got a living crystalline sheathe that gives her armor and
hyper-strength. That's even better news. The BAD news is that
her power manifested itself while she was on stage in front of the
entire school at a Forensics contest. One minute she's nervously
handling her notes, the next minute she's naked in front of
everyone as quartz spikes start shooting out of her.
Does every kid carry a camera cell phone to school with
them?????? The transformation from civilian clothing to full
armor only took 30 seconds but I've had to track down and
virally erase 2,375 uploads of her in various states of
transformation.
Meanwhile she won't come out of her room.
I may have to ask her Aunt Mnemosyne to wipe the memories of
the school...... But you didn't hear that from me!

Her brother Biff.... oh boy..... You know how I regreted only
having one son? I'm starting to regret my participation in
the "Sidereal Wars." No one told me that the villan behind the Wars,
The SideStepper, was a dimension hopper! I just thought he
teleported. When he went to escape through his special
SideStep, I leapt in pursuit. And right behind me, Biff, or
rather Kid Kaos leapt in too.
Or so I thought.
Near as I can tell, my original Biff was the only Kid Kaos who
missed the SideStep warp. As the SideStepper raced through a
myriad of extremely parallel worlds, every other Kid Kaos joined me in the chase. When the Side Stepper stopped stepping,
he and I got bowled over by 96 identical Kid Kaoses!
Oy.
Right now I'm using the Catastro-Dome as a dorm while I make
SideStepper retrace his steps. I just hope my sanctum survives 97
identical 13-year-olds with the ultimate "Not me!" excuse.

As you know, Grandpa Victor passed away this summer.
Thunder Master went out in fine style, battling a wave of
Fourth Reich zombie troopers. Always the master of style, he
destroyed the last Nazi zombie, lay down in a photogenic pose,
gave a last statement to the assembled press and witnesses, and
then passed away. As the police and rescue workers stood at
attention, there was a burst of lightning. When it was gone,
Thunder Master had vanished.
We'll miss him.
He'll probably show up in a younger body sometime next May.
July at the outside.

As we move into 2007, Jylanda, Regina, the Biffs, and I wish you
and yours the best. May your wars be civil (or at lest secret), may
your crises be far from infinite, may your tie-ins be rational, and
may you always remember in what dimension or parallel world
you left your producer!

Yours-----
Doctor Calamitous
The Serpentine Sorceress
Crystal Mess (we're still arguing about that name)
and the Kid Kaoses, all 97 of them