[ Posted by baronsuitsdog on Aug 12th, 2008 10:26 AM ]...

good stuff. good stuff.
so far, so good.

if you are open for constructive criticism,
there's one area i could comment.
on pages 11-18, your depiction of the
armless alien chieftain is innacurate...
that is by the common conventions as described
in both sciwi wiki-international and gene roddenberry's
original star trek vision.
his head ornament indicates he is either a chieftain
or a viscount. him being on another planet, i am forced
to assume he is a warlike chieftain. since a viscount
would be more appropriately set on his home planet where he
could delegate laws.

so being a chieftain. in a time of battle (I! E! being
arrested by law enforcement!) he would generate arms,
or a sort of battle tentacle set. WHICH HE DID NAE!
and to preemptively negate your counter-point;
if he were waiting for a later oppertune time, his cunning would suggest that of an alien assassin. making his head ornament
inaccurate... unless, the head ornament he is using
is a guise to lewer his prey into a further state
of guilery. EVEN SO, you would have to allert US, the
reader with some effort of narraration.

all said. good try. FOR A n00blett3!

[ Posted by joelberg01 on May 18th, 2008 5:07 PM ]...

LEAVE SOME COMMENTS PLEASE.