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johnculjak
Hey, name's John. I'm an aspiring writer, much like everyone and their mother's mother. Meaning grandmas write better than I do. I'm not complaining, I'm just bitchin.
I've self published my own comic, titled: Renaissance Man. It's the story of a man who travels through time having sex with historical figures. No, that's not a joke. Well, it's a comedic book, but I really did make it. Since then (the artist drew 1 and a 1/2 issues before coming to his senses) I've been putting together pitches...albeit slowly. A couple are nearly done, and when the images go live, I'd like to show some of them off. Read below for some crap I write. Infact, I'm writing this right now. So you're reading my shit. As an aside, I once wrote out the first chapter of Macbeth on my front lawn in shit. It was surreal and beautiful. --------------------------------------------------------------- I wrote the above profile, though I have to be honest with you. I didn't spell out the first chapter of Macbeth on my front lawn in shit. That would have been impossible. The logistics of it is just mind numbing. What I DID do, instead, was attack an angry homeless man while reading Walt Whitman's "Leaves of Grass." Some people thought that was weird, but understood when I told them that there was not an elderly person in sight. "Oh..." is their usual reaction. And then I attack them. --------------------------------------------------------------- An excerpt from a prose story I wrote. The dame had it all. Smarts. Looks. A nice purse. Everything a man could want. She leaned in, quickly I thought, about to throw her arms around me. Except it wasn’t her arms, just one hand. And it wasn’t a hand, more like a fist. Peculiar, I thought. Do French women usually hug in this manner? I awoke an hour later, rain falling on me. Why was I on a rooftop, and how come I’d been tied to a chair? I looked up, and the French woman stared back at me, a revolver pointed between my eyes, the hammer ready to fall. At this point I knew two things for certain. One: this Diamond Egg was more trouble than it was worth. And two, I hated French women. --------------------------------------------------------------- The name’s Peter. You might remember me from such adventures as “Peter gets punched in the face” and “Peter gets punched in the face: Part Two.” People seem to think it’s completely normal to throttle me if they feel slightly irritated, something I’m not comfortable with. Sometimes it’s my fault that they become irritated. Ok, sometimes it’s always my fault. But only sometimes. --------------------------------------------------------------- Here's an image from an upcoming comic I have in the works: shit, they don't have image linking yet do they? Fuck. Ok, I'll describe it. The first panel is of a dude who's floating, right? And he's looking at this chick and is all like "This is my world now!" and she's like "NUH UH!" and he's like "UH HUH!" and they're fighting in panel two and its like ptew! ptew! and BRRACKA! BRRACKA! and in panel three it's like OH SHIT she went straight through a car, but the driver's ok, in panel 4 you see him running away cause like, this is a kid's story I wrote! Then in panel 5 he's like "DO YOU YIELD!" and she's like "NEVER!" you know I wanted to keep the dialogue fresh and stuff. And she says that as she runs off the screen and turns back and flys at him and is shooting him with both hands (she shoots lasers from her hands) while she's also kicking a minion off to the side and she saves a guy from falling. Yup. The artist ACTUALLY drew all of that in ONE panel. --------------------------------------------------------------- Some wonderful, fanTASTIC links for you party people to view: My website (that I haven't updated in about a year. Sweet...) http://www.hervatski.com A great publisher and a kick ass message board to hang out on. http://www.cellardoorpublishing.com For a wonderful selection of tasty treats, please click the link below! http://www.oscar-mayer.com Where do the cool comic kids hang out? At the mall! Where do the nerdy ones go for love and support? That's right. http://www.jinxworld.com/ |
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