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Posted by:

TENTONSTUDIOS

Date:

March 8th, 2007 9:23 PM

Header:

Ten Ton Studios: Guide to Being Cool. Part III

Bulletin:

hey guys. How's it going? Huh? No thanks.

Anyway, I'm feeling kinda down in the dumps. Not sure if it's cuz of life or if it's from the fantastic pizza I ate last night. Here's some quickies that you can discuss amongst yourself if you like.

comic conventions:
bring breathmints.
wear deodorant.
don't stand in line more than 20 minutes to meet anybody. It's a waste of your life and they'll only remember you if you threaten their life in any way.
don't threaten anyone's life.

life:
Lord Loves a working man
Don't trust whitey
see a Dr. and get rid of it.
read The Watchmen
really listen to the words in Beach Boys Pet Sounds

sex:
Wear a condom. I don't care about your reasons, chances are if you read this column regularly i don't want you reproducing...even accidentally

food:
stop being afraid of soy milk and veggie based products. It's not a pussy thing to enjoy that hippy crap.
Stop being such a hippy and eat a damn cheeseburger. Better yet, Bison is insanely delicious.
try to steer clear of too much high fructose corn syrup. It's probably the reason you're not getting laid as much and have no need for my previous advice on sex.
drink more water
drink less beer
drink more gin

That's all for now, I'll write more later this week when I'm, hopefully, less jaded.

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