I think the only reason that pirates became pirates and sailed the seas is that they were never able to climb trees as children. Think about it. Where else could they go where they'd never have to climb a tree? Notice most of the famous pirates were in the Caribbean, where all they have are Palm trees. Palm trees are the douchebags of all the trees as far as climbing them goes. You get halfway up and they hurl a giant brown nut at your head to knock you right back down. Douchebags.