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Posted by:

WinstonRowntree

Date:

June 24th, 2007 1:08 AM

Header:

A day which shall live in infanty

Bulletin:

Greetings to the 17 people who actually read my bulletins. You're the greatest heroes of all. Greater than the guy who pulled 34 infants out of a burning warehouse last week. Shouldn't that be "carried" out of a burning warehouse? No, these were some extra large infants--the lightest being 141 Lbs--and thus much pulling was nescessary. Welcome to the 21st century. Why were they in a warehouse? Something to do with someone inverting the nine on the address of the local Fat Baby Daycare, thus diverting all large infant traffic to the abandoned, raccoon-infested Bouchard Fish storage facility down by the docks. How did it light on fire? One of the babies is a heavy smoker, and he carelessly threw a lit cigarette butt into a waste paper basket that was stuffed with easily-combustible letters from the bank concerning the seven outstanding loans held by the now-defunct Bouchard Fish Corporation (Jean-Guy Bouchard, CEO). Who was this hero that rescued the many bloated infants in the dead of night that fateful day? It was none other than Dustin Hoffman, who was supposedly "just passing by" at the time but was really skulking around the neighborhood in search of free fish heads and/or entrails for an art project he's been working on. Thus, he coincidentally found himself re-enacting his heroics in the movie "Hero," with equally zany, crowd-pleasing results. Ah yes, the feel-good story of the season, and a tale to toss around the campfire next time you're "camping" (ie: drinking in the woods). And with that, I bid all 17 of you good day and good hunting and watch out for those Japanese dive bombers because they may be slow and underpowered but they're surprisingly manouverable and the crews are instilled with a false sense of invincibility due to institutionalized military indoctrination. Oh, and this week's SUBNORMALITY is ready and waiting for anyone who actually waded through this baffling ordeal of a bulletin. TTFN!

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